The Spiritual Tome I Use For Pretty Much Everything

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in them than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. - Dale Carnegie

Pretty powerful stuff there, home skillet.


True story: The book I keep on my nightstand is Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's the best, most useful, most ass-kicking book on the art of dealing with people than any other hogwash I've ever read.

So I'm going to go out on a limb here and ask you to read it, too. No, I'm not an affiliate, but you bet your ass Dale is getting mad kudos wherever his spirit has landed since he kicked the bucket about 70 years ago.

The great thing is this book stands the test of time. There is nothing you can't apply to your real life. It's a deep dive into human pyschology and how to roll with people in a way that's genuine and true. I'll reread the chapters until the end of time. Because knowing how to deal with people = fun = creative = getting what you want the awesome way = freedom.

So, do you have $10.00 or less to spend? Yes? Good. Do you have 3 minutes to find his book from the Google or Amazon or Barnes + Noble? Rockin'. (PS- Don't buy the book for the digital age--just the classic tome is all you need.) Do you have a nanosecond to click 'buy'? Cool. Let's have a lively discussion when you get it and gush over how this stuff should be taught for all of time. And then, let's be friends. Because I like you already.


with many wins + many friends,

Tweet

Let's Go Upside Down

We are going to stand on our heads today...inside of our heads. 

And what that really means is we're going to spruce up your vanilla copy that hangs out on everything you, and makes me sad. Because you are an explosion of honey lavender ice cream topped with orange olive oil and some herbs that don't even belong in ice cream. That's how memorable you are.

So let's get into it.

About a year ago today, I had just started this site. And I was musing on what I really wanted to do. How I really wanted to jam in this world.

During this exploration phase (I feel like an astronaut saying this), I stumbled upon Tina Seelig, who's a professor of creativity at Stanford.

WHA.

Yeah. At the time, I thought: How does one teach creativity? So I emailed Tina, and she sent me over to a few of her books: What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20 + InGenious. And I gobbled them up.

One thing I surrriously want to share with you is one of the exercises from the book. Re: flipping ideas on their heads. Like, actually reinventing them on a dime.

I'll start off to get you rollin':

Idea to flip: Whatever it is you do. 

For an example, I'll use myself.

I write copy for entrepreneurs. (It pained me to write that, because it's so vanilla, but that's the stripped-down truth.)


Now, let's blast through this at lightning speed:

List all things that relate to what you do. So for me, it's: writing. communication. branding. strategy. people. alone in a room, writing. maybe feeling sad, if we're attached to the 'writer identity'.  maybe even frustrating clients (coming from a world of advertising, I've seen some pretty un-pretty shiz.) Handing off material and giving a haphazard salute...until next time.

Now...

List all things that seem to be the opposite of what you do.

For me: balloons. a People Who Have Swagger party. creativity. imagination. cupcakes. magic. running through fields of (insert pretty flower name here) and telling the world who we are. laughing, loud. lots of smiling. lots of 'clickety-click' moments--when everything feels right. friendship. gusto. just being people who get it. a circus. a flash mob. hot showers of love (physically, figuratively). leading people to their 'holy shit THIS IS WHO I AM?!' place.

Some pretty transformational stuff.

Comprende?

So let's put it together. You know what you're doing/selling/saying on the surface. But you're a person, remember? Which means, you have layers and you're prettier than an ogre. Peel away each one and ask: What are you doing...really? What are you giving people? What are you teaching them? What are the words that you are set on getting them to shout from the rooftops? And..who are you?

Give it a whirl. Just knock the socks off yourself with how you can reinvent + remix who you are and what you do on the spot. Lemme know what sparks your imagination.

PS - SF homies! I'm teaching a 2 hour writing workshop for entrepreneurs here for free on June 19th. 12 spots. 12 people who want to write winning copy for their business so they're seen + heard. If you're interested in reserving a spot, shoot me an email with the most clever subject line you can think of with the word 'apricot' in it: fel@feliciaspahr.com


with idea handstands + the celebration of love,

Tweet

Why Do We Make Art?

Back in my pro-violin days, there came a point where my teacher at the time was all like: "You're going to see the master now." She took me to a dude's house (and when I say dude, I mean someone who's like mega big in the, you know, classical music industry) and sat there watching me learn with this guy.

There was one thing he said to me that I didn't get at the time, but I now am letting sink into my pores. As I played for him, he stopped me, and he told me: Take care of each and every note. Caress it. Feel every single one. 

In my mind, I was like, well, obv. I am playing all the notes. And as I look back on my playing, I was always rushing. I always wanted to be the master. Ascend to the next level as quickly as possible. Which I did, but not with finesse, style, and grace. But now I understand that what he was really saying was to not only take care of each note, but to take care of each moment. No moment is better or worse than the rest--give it your full, awe-inspiring attention.

So if we check our perspective that way, Life is an Art. Or at least, that's what I'm declaring.

And if that's what we're doing, why do we make it so? Why should every moment be an art form?

We want to remember. We want to remember what things feel like. We want to see the colors, and sounds. The scents that always bring us back to that one moment that we lean into, and then leave again for another. Our moments are like our own little art collection.

And, we want to capture. To stamp images in our minds with our invisible Nikon D3100 cameras. To envision the words, dancing in front of us as they form and rearrange. To be able to re-create a feeling. For who are we without our memory?

And why shouldn't we create beauty out of time--something that is given to us, every single day?

Whatever it is you're doing today, lean in. Get rowdy in that moment. Let it sink into your soul.

What will you have created by the end of the day?

I'm workin' on a symphony. For that guy who prematurely taught me how.

PS - There is one, delicious spot left for you. You as in, the visionary who needs whip-smart writing for their business: Oh, Hot Damn.

with art, life, + love,

How To Actually Pick A Brain (Hint: It's Really A Playdate)

So, I'm not going to talk about anything creative-related today. Just some good old fun. Some fun that will make your life...10000000x better. (And filled with more friends.)

Lately, I've been seeing many people furrow their brows and hear them say things like, "No, I will not let you pick my brain over coffee. No siree. What gall you have to ask. Not how we roll over here. Move along, now."

Reminds me of a sad Charles Dickens story.

And I think this is very interesting, because I've picked many brains of masterminds; the kind of people that you know are incredibly busy, are the heads of their industries, swingin' righteous swagger left + right.

And these people were more than happy to get on the phone with me--without me ever asking to get on the phone.

They also lingered much longer on the phone than our first mutually agreed upon "15-20 minutes".

Very, very interesting friends.

It got me wondering why people are saying 'No, no, no!' to other people asking them for help. And I surmised that it has a lot less to do with the actual helping part, and a lot more to do with how the 'brain picking' pitch is delivered. Because when we ask 'Can I pick your brain over coffee?' it might make the other person immediately think of work which makes them think of money which makes them think: no way am I just volunteering my precious time. I got -ish to do! A world to save!

And straight up? It can be draining as eff if mid-conversation you think to yourself: I could really be getting paid for this. And then you start giving dirty looks. And things get weird. And no one wants their coffee anymore. (I hate coffee, anyway).

So, I have a fun challenge for you. Because people-mating, brain picking, and learning about others is fun, awesome, and interesting (and you know it.)

How about you set aside time to make 3 playdates today? In person. Online. Whatevskies. And bring out your 5 year old self--the free spirited kid in you that only talks to people you actually want to talk to, be friends with, and run around a playground with for hours on end.

And your dare is to not expect a thing in return. Reach out for the joy of it. The pure play + connection. Your interest, wonder, + amazement in this person who has piqued your curiosity so much, that you send them a love letter.

Let me know what the dizzle is when you do.

Could be fun. :)

With strangers turned lovers + friends,

What I Learned From A Dude Who Sells Apricots

First of all...

My Long Island accent always gets me made fun of, but in an awesome way. And the first time I came in contact with people who weren't from NY, (I'm looking at you, Cali people), we seriously differed on how to say the word 'apricot'.

Second...

I had never tried an apricot. And for some strange reason, had them looking like a peach in my head. Could not tell you why. But I think I believed that I would never try an apricot in my life. It just didn't seem appealing. Especially with all the ruckus it caused.

But then...

The other day I was chillin' at the Farmer's Market [read: devouring everything] and I happened to walk to a dude's apricot stand. I looked at them, at first surprised by how cute and round they were, but then looked away. As I did, the guy smiles at me, and says, "Try one, right off the table. They're delicious." And then went about doing his business.

And there was my hand, reaching for the apricot, popping it in my mouth, and me subsequently thinking: Holy eff. This is what an apricot tastes like?

Damn Straight. + Damn Good.

So I bought a whole bag of those little buggers.

But here's what's interesting...

As I galavanted throughout the rest of the market (after I bought the apricots), I happened upon another stand, where another dude was selling apricots. And those apricots were much bigger. And were the same price.

And I thought: why didn't I buy from this dude?

Two reasons: A) Because he wasn't as smiley. and B) He didn't offer me a taste of something I didn't know I would like.

Now what can we learn from the dude who sells apricots?

If you are selling something--yourself, your new whoosawhatsit, even an IDEA you have--selling is really asking someone to open up and try something new. It's really asking someone if they want to be a part of your life--even for just a moment. It's really inviting someone to a rockin' dance party of YES.

So if we think about selling that way...why wouldn't we smile? Why wouldn't we tell people it's delicious, and to give it a try? Without weird hinting, or pressuring, or anything that makes people feel a little wonky.

So with that being said, here I am, smiling at you. And I daresay, I hope you smile back.

And I'll let you decide for yourself whether or not you want to jam with me. But I'd say give it a try. It's delicious. ;)

Now, tell me butterfly. In the comments, write the 1 word that you think best describes why someone should play with you. In life (for a playdate), in bidness, and at dance parties.

with love for all I've never tried (+ still don't know),